Do we get private moments in our marriages? (11/22/10)

Do we have a right to snoop through our partner’s text messages, instant messages, emails, etc.? This was a question that was being asked and debated while I was at the gym over the weekend, which I am sure is all due to the news of the Longoria-Parker divorce, but it does raise an interesting subject. Do we get private moments in our marriages?

As I climbed the minutes away on the stair-stepper, trying to ignore the fact it was kicking my butt, I began to think about my cell phone and then Mitch’s and started doing my own gut check on this question. Our cell phones with all of their new bells and whistles are amazing pieces of technology that make us accessible to everything and everyone all the time, and visa versa. We use them for work, family and pleasure, but is there an expectation of privacy in regards to them? If you have a family plan and are in a committed relationship (be it married or not), are you entitled to check the other persons cell phone at will?

I just don’t know that I would be okay with that, and its not that I have anything to hide, quite the contrary, Mitch can look at all I do on that cell phone and he may actually be very bored with what is my daily contacts, but why would he feel compelled to do so? Probably if there were some change in my schedule or behavior, but then don’t we have the type of marriage that would promote conversation first? If I were to notice his affections waning, or his cell phone not being in its typical location in the evening, I know I would simply ask Mitch “are we okay?”

Women I talked to at the gym explained that they have always snooped or are now doing so because of this latest news, and I just cannot help but think that if we all acknowledge that there are times and parts of our day when we all could, if compelled to do so, stray. Then maybe we would see that having the ability to text, email and/or call constantly does not mean that the violation will be done with that device, and that it may not be the first thing to check. That maybe this is a wake-up call to all of us deeply committed and deeply in love to do our own gut-checks, and make new vows to one another prior to things getting hurtful and ugly. Maybe tonight over dinner we could all say to our loved ones… “honey, I love you so much, and I trust you with all my heart, and with this news of adultery in the Longoria-Parker marriage I have gotten to thinking about us, and I just want to promise you now, that if I begin to feel unseen, unimportant, neglected or distant I will tell you so that together we can repair things between us. Will you promise me the same?”