I have never had a fear of failing; ever.
My fear(s) came more from rejection; after the fact.
Prime examples… Well one is this blog. I didn’t for once think I couldn’t do this, I mean heck I can vent and rattle-on with the best of you; plus I think in this journey that I just may have something to share. The fear I had the moment I hit publish though was “OMG people are not going to want to read/hear about the 2nd Wife.” Then I proceeded into my self-dialog game of killing doubt, and I ask myself “what’s the worst thing that can happen?” Answer: “no one reads it.” Resolution: Then think of it like an online diary, each entry is one you send out into the world, if you don’t get any feedback, well its not like your diary was gonna talk to you either, and just like that… I am again fearless.
Everything I have ever tried out either came easily, was a blast, or I got bored of it and moved on. Relationships, well I have had the good, the bad and the ugly like all of us, but life just always managed to show me that there is no shortage of men and lessons that come with them in this world. So, it was no wonder to me that when Mitch came along, and I fell so completely in love with him and the whole package of him (baggage and all), that it wasn’t until our first “family” dinner AFTER getting married that I suddenly went “S#&T!!!! I am a Step-Mother!”
lol! See what did I tell you; after the fact fear.
What I have noticed though, and was reminded of last night is that not everyone is built like this. Mitch in particular is one who is fearful of failing, and has had the unfortunate experience of life hitting him with proof of his needing to fear this. For examples, his divorce, and his feeling like it is his own personal failure. Then there is the fact she proceeded to bleed his business dry, to the point where he had to sell it to a friend to get her off of him, and instead of seeing that as courageous and a bold move, he remembers the selling and sees that as another failure.
So… it is an interesting dynamic, especially when I go marching into something guns-a-blazing just to turn around and find he needs a little pep-talk first; but it appears I make a great cheerleader… lol.
The beauty of our marriage is how Mitch and I balance each other out.
I cheer him into trying that something bold or scary, and he cheers me on after the fact.
We build great backbones for each other.
My curiosity is… and maybe you guys can answer this…
Does life’s lessons and gut-kicks, change how you fear?
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