Scars

Scars, there are so many different scars; there is the scar you got when you climbed that first tree in the skirt your Mom wanted you to wear but you wanted to keep up with the boys; there is the scar from you first batch of big girl cookies, when you touched the rack just as you were pulling the sheet out but muffled your cry because you didn't want to worry your Mom; there is the scar from your first fight with your Mom; your first lost pet; the scar from when you fell off your bike; your first friendship betrayal and your first heartbreak; there is a scar from that bout of chicken box that you were told not to scratch; there is a scar from that teacher or coach who said you couldn't do it; there is a scar from every fight with a child (step or your own); your first fight with your husband and the one later where you didn't resolve it before bed; there is the scar from the first accident you were in and the first time you were robbed; there is a scar from your brother’s mean words and your own failed dreams; there is a scar from each violation and abuse you have ever survived…

We each carry so many scars, some many physical, so many emotional, all so very much a part of who we are. Some of us even build walls around the now scared and fragile skin to further protect the wounds, and some have been fortunate to have the walls broken down by a greater force than that which has scared us… but none of us has survived this ride of life untouched.

Today I have three new scars added to me, physically. Today I bare the scars of a procedure I discovered I needed after failing to keep a dream I wanted so deeply alive. Well maybe I now have three physical scars to match the three emotional losses this year has given me; either way I know this for sure, my scars make-up me, who I am and what I have lived. I wouldn't trade them. Today I took at three new scars in a journey to the motherhood I want, to the Lynn family I dream of… and from today on, I will wear them with pride and as my own coat of arms.